Okay. This post is one of the hardest.

So I’m stuck here in front of the computer, finishing my lab sheets in Biology. Then it came to me that I’ll check my Facebook for anything that may be new. Nah, I read things that aren’t new. But they are somewhat painful.
I was reprimanded for thinking about the things that I am about to write here but I beg you, if ever you read this, I just want to express my feelings. Yep, I’m turning 20 years old very soon and this particular topic is very important for me.
I finished my high school education with nothing to brag about except passing the University of the Philippines College Aptitude Test (UPCAT) for BSBA Marketing. Yeah, the thought that I will be entering UP depleted all the cares and thoughts I had towards graduating with no honors. Honestly, when many people look upon you like someone that they can be proud of, graduating as a nuisance is kinda disgraceful, discouraging, and funny.
Now, back in 2008, I entered the portals of my country’s National University in its Visayas “branch”. My upper class men taught mo to take pride of being a UP student. My teacher taught me to look up to myself because I passed a rather unfair and dreaded entrance examination.
I was very confident ever since on the last year of my high school education that I will become a business man because I will take BSBA. I had plans and goals to finish and become successful to show to the people who failed me that I can do anything. Yet, as I started on to become a business student, I realized that I do not really love business as a career. I want to become a teacher or a medical doctor. So I asked my parents about their opinion to my plan. They agreed and considered the idea a better one.
But, since that pride of being a UP student went directly to my head, (I don’t know. I was not that showy but the fact that I did not concentrate on my studies is an evidence that my head was getting soaked.) I failed my Trigonometry. I have two courses where I had an INC grade. Gosh, I felt so useless. My plan to transfer was not successful.
Then, during my second year, the provisions of the Standardized Tuition Fee Assistance Program (STFAP) of the University changed. I am not ashamed to admit it. My family was rather suffering from financial constraint. My parents wanted me to continue. But I would not let them suffer just to keep me in school, paying Php 600/unit which was very heavy for us. So I stopped for a semester.
For the next semester, I was determined to go back to school but as a Biology student. But I still need to recover my grades in my BSBA so I went back to my college, the College of Management, and “managed” to finish the semester with no failures.
I applied for transfer to the Miag-ao campus where the College of Arts and Science is located. I passed the screening (haha, I’m not sure if there is such a thing) and was very proud and happy that I will be pursuing Biology in UP. Now, my classmates are entering their third year in college while I tried hard to convince the persons at CAS to give me a higher status. All they can give me was a second year status. But everything that I dreamed of never happened.

I failed two retention courses because of the absences I committed during the course of the class. I had no constant companion while I was away so I opted to go home everyday just to refrain from feeling so alone. I pleaded to the council of teachers that I should be allowed to continue. I was given a conditional status and they made me continue my Biology dream but more hindrances arrived.
I was attacked by severe asthma. I needed to go back and forth the City just to be treated with my nebulizer. I had many absences. And I will have to pay a greater amount of tuition fee in the coming semesters.
Gosh, things were getting so depressing. I needed to stop for a while to watch out for my health. While doing this, I decided to transfer. Yeah. I was willing to give up a dream of a lifetime. I can pass those courses, I know I could. Yet the asthma was killing me. The tuition, board, and lodging is killing me. I needed to be free.
I chose to transfer at West Visayas State University and the rest of the story is yet to be told. But my point is this: What if I only decided to take BS Biology in First Year! We were given the opportunity to switch courses but I did not listen.
Of course there is also an idea that, what if I just continued my BSBA Marketing course? Maybe, this month, I’ll have my sablay as a birthday gift. I’ll be getting letters from companies for them to hire me. I could be the breadwinner of my family.
Then, what if I just continued my studies as a UPV Biology student? I may graduate faster plus with great distinction because of graduating from the National University. I may have earned friends and several colleagues in the future.
After that last paragraph, I realized I still have the feeling of regret towards all the actions I did before. But you know what, I’m happy right now. I can’t help writing about this happiness.

Me and my girlfriend are getting well with my school and never in my life did I have this kind of connection with someone I love. Surprises hide between us and I love it!

I have the best opportunities in my whole life.

I have the best classmates/younger siblings that I truly love and cherish.

I have found a new family where people understand me like how I understand myself.
So, I should be one of the graduates being congratulated this month. But here are some thoughts that I formulated:
Regret
I regret all the things that I have done that were obviously wrong. But I do not see my wasted years as years spent on nothing. As I told my classmates, “Experience is something that you will never regret”. But wrong things must be regretted. Or what? Confused ako.
Remembrance
I remember all those things that I have learned for being at school for a very long time. Tuyo na ko daan. Indi na ko kabalo.
Greeting
I greet all my “original batchmates” a very warm congratulations for doing it so soon. But tell you, I know more people than you.haha
Gratitude
Thanks is all I can give to all the sectors that provided me with excellent things despite my current situation. Thank you God for hearing me. Thank you parents for providing things for me. Thank you Carolin for being a part of me. Thank you classmates for giving me a chance to mingle with you. Thank you WVSU for accepting me as a long lost child. Thank you UP for starting it all and teaching me lessons that I will surely use someday.
Now, my conscience is clear. Can’t understand my post? Well, it was not for you. It was my outburst.

haha
thanks for reading.